Today, dear Blog, I didn’t go out to visit anything to feed you. It is cold, it is rainy, it is foggy and surely species preservation dictates that I stay home in the warmth with a hot chocolate in front of the TV. However, this week, from various windows, I engaged in a bit of English watching and I would like to salute you, English people, for having adapted to your climate more than I will ever do.
First of all, I salute the bike commuters who, dressed in all tones of neon colours, pedal in the rain and in the dark for miles while inhaling the exhaust fumes of queuing motorists. Their contradictory claim to both health and pneumonia is humbling.
I also salute the motorbike commuters. Quite how they manage not to have more accidents than they do is a wonder. They must have developed an ability to drive without seeing as their helmet is pelted with rain drops in the outside, filling up with mist from the inside and they are blinded every 10 seconds by the glare of 4X4 headlamps (this is Oxfordshire remember, even bedridden grandmothers drive these things).
Of course I salute the young English people, who winter week-end after winter week-end have mastered the use the perfect anti-cold, anti-rain weapon: alcohol.
I similarly salute the determination of English men not to carry umbrellas. It might be because they all remember how a drenched Hugh Grant got the girl at the end of 4 weddings and a funeral or it might be because being soaking wet is proof that they are survivors, never defeated by the elements. However, now that I know the French invented the waterproof umbrella, I have another theory…
I salute the weather forecast over here, who predicts sunny spells as if the weather by default was rainy and cloudy.
Ok ok, maybe I’m just jealous because I am not made of the same cloth and radiators are my best friends. I do truly salute all the English people who take showers in their stride and make the most of the rest of the day.
And to think that the weather is even worse in Scotland and Wales! Scots and Welsh, I salute you as well.